I was running this morning in the snow. It was amazing. And the thought occured to me that I was loved. By friends, by family, by the universe. I stopped in the middle of the road, lifted my hands to the heavens, and said- THANK YOU That, of course, was twelve hours ago. I no longer feel that sense of being loved. I feel alone, keeping busy to keep the wolves at bay. So, I am here to tell you something- that you are loved; by me. It's gonna be okay. I swear. You are not forg

We've all been here; alone, young or old, in a house, an apartment, a field, or on the curb under a street light. Utterly alone. Game over. Bring on the tears. We've given up on better. We've failed at romance, school, or finance. All hope is gone; there is no one coming to rescue us, to tell us it's ok, to hold us in our hour of desperate need. And that curb is cold as shit. Perfect Wait. Say that again? Perfect I used to think the opposite; where the fuck is everyone? I c

Real cheerleaders, the ones in the field and the ones in our life, support our dreams. They tell us we CAN when rest say 'be reasonable'. They tell us that our dreams are possible if we work for them, if we do the work. They smile and offer a virtual hug when life gets hard instead of being conveniently unavailable. Got cheerleaders? Got even one? I have but two. More than enough. You know who you are!😉 All the rest tell me the absurdity of my dreams, my thoughts, and disc

Been wandering my empty house for six months, thinking, hoping, praying that one day I would pass by and one of my children would be there. The sound of laughter. But there were no running children, no laughter. Only stale light. Empty rooms Today the rooms close. And a new room opened; one dedicated not to ghosts and regret but to what is and not what could have been. To lighting up the past and being ok with holding the ashes to the wind. To doing the same to the future and

So, it's Monday and the world is going, well, zombies might be a better bet then what we got. So what do I do? What do you do? Go to gratitude. Not the fake BS of checking off a list in your head or on your knees spouting shit you don't believe. Real gratitude is knowing I shouldn't exist, that all I have I shouldn't, and that the friends I have mean more than any fame or fortune. Stick that in your......pocket but I digress. One, in particular, has stuck with me through thi

I used to spend quite a bit of time planning that perfect beginning; for a book, or a play, or a marathon, or relationship, or getting my head out of my ass. At least the marathon, a couple of them actually, got done. The rest are still waiting. And it's really dark in there or here. You know what I mean. So here's to taking action; If it's love, it's telling that person and being of service. If it's a book, it's a sentence a day everyday and maybe in 25 years you'll get a

Control is my problem. My own over myself is my primary and that of others in the world in general. I strive to have control over me, not you. The you's that strive for control in the world, hence control of others, drive me fucking nuts. Control freaks stare a a nut and bitch that it doesn't open itself. They are the reason that I don't regret buying more drywall tape; they give rise to holes in walls. And my keyboard erases everything; oh well. So 🌟 trek had it right; f

So the other day was miserable- an understatement. Today? Back in the fight back to trying to be in the moment, not in the past or scared shitless of the future. But I am scared of that post- makes me vulnerable. And not being vulnerable, of always having my shit together when I have been a hot mess since the get go, that takes me to a whole nuther level. And pretending has gotten everything I did not want. Being in that fear, in that ' what the hell am I doing?' is what be

Been up since 4am, editing the site. Not the easiest thing. Listening to Jon Spencer's Blues Explosion- probably the best band on earth in my humble opinion. And it's cold. That means it's time to run. If I can, you can.

I was never going to do anything with this site; let it sit for eons and secretly wish that something would be done, said. Today is the day. My name is ND and this is the journey that is my life. You might like it, you might not; ask me if I give a shit. That wasn't really necessary but when you are alone 24/7, as so many of us are in these times, the conditions tend to lead you to be angry rather than receptive. So, I do care but I also don't; you're approval isn't why